Sports Update
Ummm, when I had originally thought about doing this column I had the intention of making it about Sports and Comedy. However due to a pot shortage (kidding mom) and a lack of motivation that had been put off and instead I had focused on writing about road trips and houseguests. Well since we're going into an unprecedented two months with no trips or houseguests here is a sports update for those of you that are interested.
Texas Rangers:
As I write this, the Rangers are in first place in the American League west for the first time in about a millennium. The A's and Angels are pushing them but somehow they keep pushing them back. It's amazing it feels a lot like that two or three weeks back in the day when you dated that smoking hot chick before she came to her senses and dumped you for someone with better pitching. You can't complain, you walk around with your mouth open not believing what an incredible roll that you're on, but deep down that you know that your lucks probably going to run out. BUT until that happens I'll be the guy walking around with the shit-eating grin on my face. Go Rangers!
Dallas Cowboys:
After going 10-6 last year it's hard to complain. NO ONE and I mean NO ONE was expecting the Tuna to turn this team around that quick. But here we are in season two of the Tuna Turnaround and it seems that yet once again our hopes are riding on Quincy Carter. Which gives us about as much chance of winning the NFC East as a drunk riding down an icy hill on a unicycle. Not that I don't have confidence in Quincy Carter, I just really really don't. Hey if I'm wrong though we're going to the Super Bowl baby! The thing that confuses me is that we went out and got Vinnie Testeverde as our back up quarterback just in case Q.C. goes down. What was Joe Nameth busy? And even better, should Q.C. and Testerverde go down then we've got yet another former baseball player waiting in the wings to come in and throw strikes. That makes three (Q.C., Chad Hutchinson, Drew Henson) former baseball players on our roster! Word is that Dallas offered Roger Clemens the back up job but he turned it down because the football season conflicted with his son's little league schedule. It's still early though but my gut tells me it's going to be a long summer for my wife and pets.
UT Baseball:
There's been a lot of negative press on Auggie Garido and the UT program for failing to come out of the dug out to receive their second place trophy during the College World Series this year to which I say, "Give me a f---ing break." I mean first of all why the hell do you need a ceremony for a bunch of heartbroken ball players who came in second? Can't they just give them a pep talk and some beers like Walter Matthau did in the Bad News Bears? I mean congratulations to Cal State Fullerton, they were the better team this year, but the whole second place trophy seems a bit unnecessary to me. Second of all what happened to the good old days when it was okay to hate the other team and be pissed off to lose the championship??? Anyone who's just happy to get to the title game doesn't belong there and doesn't stand a chance of winning once they get there either. That's what's wrong with sports today, everyone plays and everyone gets a trophy. Pretty soon they wont even keep score and they'll just give out trophies for effort, wait they already do that for kids!
Shaqdaddy and the Mavericks:
As much as my gut tells me that Shaq's tank is running on low I still want the Mavericks to trade for him. I mean I'm sure that they could squeeze two titles out of the big guy and even develop a couple of role players to take over once the Diesel's dominance has faded. This deal needs to be done I mean how much fun would it be to see Mark Cuban and Shaq posing for pictures in oversized cowboy hats, riding the roller coasters at Six Flags and sharing a milkshake with two straws at the local Baskin Robbins. This would be awesome!
